Goodbye.....
I'm done trying. I'm just done. It's in His hands completely. COMPLETELY
Trying has become a nightmare. I'm tired of trying. Trying to remember to pee on ovulation sticks, trying to remember to take pills, trying to remember what day I'm on, trying to get in the mood, trying to make it fun when at times it feels robotic, trying to remember to pay all the bills for this ride. try try and try again. It's a vicious cycle. One that I've been fighting for 6 years (minus 9 months). I'm exhausted, our bank account is exhausted, and I'm getting old.
I will continue to take the pills I have until they run out. That's 7 days worth. After that I'm done. I will not set foot in another doctors office for infertility. I will not purchase another prescription drug. I will not buy any more sticks to pee on. (*disclaimer~Only one thing can change all this and that is if my husband ever asks me to do any of the above.)
It makes me sad that this is the way my journey has been. I know it is God's plan and at times I understand why perhaps. I used to want 4 kids. Yep 4! I wanted a house full of laughter, screaming, love, big family dinners, all my friends' kids over because we were the cool parents, summer BBQ's packed with our family.... the list goes on. As month and months go by the number of kids I want get's smaller. I know I'm not OLD and I still have plenty of time, but I always dreamed about being a younger mom, younger grammy etc. This vision I have just seems like a far off dream.
I know some of you are saying 'Don't loose hope Lacie, Don't give up, I'm praying for you....' I have to say... It's hard not to loose hope and want to give up. I do ask that you continue to pray for us. At times I am at complete peace about this and at times my heart just hurts. My prayer is this. That the Lord provides me a complete peace about this journey. That if it is his will, that soon Ron and I will conceive a child naturally. I pray that my days and nights are filled with things to take my mind far away from fertility. I pray that as my life moves forward I become a better mom to Dillon and a better wife to Ron. I pray for healing for my body. And I especially pray for any of you who are struggling with maybe this same issue, or something else... that you would be comforted too.
I will not be writing on this blog again for quite awhile. (Not that I write a lot on it anyways ☺) but please please if you know of anyone struggling with this same situation please share my blog with them. Thank you for your support over the past year, thank you for reading and thank you for keeping us in your prayers.
Trying has become a nightmare. I'm tired of trying. Trying to remember to pee on ovulation sticks, trying to remember to take pills, trying to remember what day I'm on, trying to get in the mood, trying to make it fun when at times it feels robotic, trying to remember to pay all the bills for this ride. try try and try again. It's a vicious cycle. One that I've been fighting for 6 years (minus 9 months). I'm exhausted, our bank account is exhausted, and I'm getting old.
I will continue to take the pills I have until they run out. That's 7 days worth. After that I'm done. I will not set foot in another doctors office for infertility. I will not purchase another prescription drug. I will not buy any more sticks to pee on. (*disclaimer~Only one thing can change all this and that is if my husband ever asks me to do any of the above.)
It makes me sad that this is the way my journey has been. I know it is God's plan and at times I understand why perhaps. I used to want 4 kids. Yep 4! I wanted a house full of laughter, screaming, love, big family dinners, all my friends' kids over because we were the cool parents, summer BBQ's packed with our family.... the list goes on. As month and months go by the number of kids I want get's smaller. I know I'm not OLD and I still have plenty of time, but I always dreamed about being a younger mom, younger grammy etc. This vision I have just seems like a far off dream.
I know some of you are saying 'Don't loose hope Lacie, Don't give up, I'm praying for you....' I have to say... It's hard not to loose hope and want to give up. I do ask that you continue to pray for us. At times I am at complete peace about this and at times my heart just hurts. My prayer is this. That the Lord provides me a complete peace about this journey. That if it is his will, that soon Ron and I will conceive a child naturally. I pray that my days and nights are filled with things to take my mind far away from fertility. I pray that as my life moves forward I become a better mom to Dillon and a better wife to Ron. I pray for healing for my body. And I especially pray for any of you who are struggling with maybe this same issue, or something else... that you would be comforted too.
I will not be writing on this blog again for quite awhile. (Not that I write a lot on it anyways ☺) but please please if you know of anyone struggling with this same situation please share my blog with them. Thank you for your support over the past year, thank you for reading and thank you for keeping us in your prayers.
Comments
Jody, Thank you so much for your sweet words! I am sorry that you too have had to deal with infertility! Yeah for having a son!! Our son was born in December too. 2008 though. He has been such a huge blessing to me on this journey. A true gift from above!
You are amazing. Thank you thank you thank you for your kind and incredible comment.
I am SO sorry for your loss. Please know that I am praying for you every so strongly.
I love the visual of heaven. :) It's almost emotionally overwhelming to think of all the mommies and daddy's being reunited. It's going to be amazing.
You sound like an amzingly strong woman. To read other people's journey and pray for them when you yourself are hurting is incredible and I thank you for your prayers! The Lord is going to bless you immensly.
Please stay in touch!