Don't worry be happy
WOW! It has been quite awhile since my last blog post. I was at a loss on what to title this blog. I decided to look around my desk to see if something caught my eye. The magazine next to me has ' Don't Worry be happy" on the cover. So we'll go with that.
I have thought a lot about this blog though in the past month. I have thought A LOT about my miscarriage this month too. I went on a cruise the week before last. It was a blast, I actually only thought about the miscarriage once (maybe twice) that entire week. When I got back into cell phone service though... I was reminded by a facebook application that would automatically post to my page that I was x weeks pregnant. Well the week of my cruise I was to be 16 weeks pregnant. It got me a bit down. The weekend I got back was also the due date of a friend of mine. Unfortunatley she suffered a miscarriage back in December. Her husband (who is amazing) had planned for her to have a day of fun. (massage, coffee, family and friends. All together now... awwweeeee!!) I picked her up for coffee. As we drove we were talking about our cycles. I asked her if she was pregnant (I had this little feeling to ask) and she said yes! (Come to find out she is prego with TWINS!)I was soooo (and still am) excited for her. She deserves it soooo much!! We sat and drank our coffees and I mentioned that sometimes I don't know what to write on my blog. That sometimes I feel like I am repeating myself and blah blah blah. She went on to say (in a roundabout way) that I should keep it up because I never know who may come across it. Who I may help. (come to find out at the end of this post it helped me too) It wasn't but a few days later that another friend of mine found out during an ultrasound that the baby she was carrying had gone to heaven. She asked me about this blog. And that was enough reassurance to me that I do need to keep this up. Suffering a miscarriage is something that only someone who has gone through it can relate too. I want nothing more than to help other women (and men) through this journey.
I need to be honest in my posts. Without being completely honest I don't think I will be able to reach out to some of the women who may see this post. This post is going to contain some honest truths about me from the past several weeks. I am not proud of them and I do not intend to hurt anyones feelings. What I am about to write about may connect with some of you while others may judge me or be disgusted. I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings nor steal the sunshine away from my friends whom I love so much.
Here it goes: I can be a jealous and envious person. I hate how I can let that feeling control my mood. These past 2 weeks I have felt like the character Jim Carrey plays in Me, Myself and Irene. I feel like I am a nutcase. Two different people. One minute I am so happy for everything and everyone in my life and the next minute I want what everyone else has. This past week I have struggled most with my relationship with Christ. Why isn't it stronger? Why do I not pray harder? I wish we went to church on a regular basis. Why do I not encourage my husband more? Am I a bad mother? Am I a bad wife? Why can't I be more organized!? I can't even carry a pregnancy. I feel as though in every single way that I am a failure. It's hard to admit that. Very hard. As I was sitting at my computer I googled (I LOVE google) what the bible says about jealousy and envy I came across THIS site and THIS site that list some bible verses. What stood out to me the most is
Satan's spirit of jealousy seeks to lead us away from the purity and simplicity of Christ. Satan desires to lead us away from a sincere pure devotion to Christ just as he lead Eve away from her pure devotion to the command of God in Eden. He leaves us thinking and feeling that we deserve more or that we have been deprived.
I don't really know how to write the ending to this blog. (It's funny because I truly believe right now that God was speaking through what he had me type.) In the past few minutes typing this I have a new persepective on a few things. You know that feeling you get when you know that you're being surrounded by God's love... I just had that feeling. I know I wanted to write this blog for the women out there who think they are horrible for feeling a bit jealous towards other women out there. If you have had a miscarriage I think you may know what I speak of. Wishing it was you pregnant, maybe not in the sense of instead of "her" but just that you wish you were too. (does that make sense)
My only solution for us when this feeling comes is to give it to God and if you can't find the strength to ask Him, than blog about it, ask a friend to pray for you, talk to your pastor. Satan will find any way to attack us. I have given him MANY weak areas to bust through. And he has taken full advantage of that. This past week I felt him trying to break down my marriage, my friendships, my family. It was a hard week. But with this post and some much needed play time today with my nieces and nephews. I feel renewed. I am fighting back. You can fight back to. Let's not let Satan tear us down. Let's look to God for our strength.
(I hope this wasn't to dark and dreary)(It's what's been bugging me lately)
Love ya all.
~Lacie
I have thought a lot about this blog though in the past month. I have thought A LOT about my miscarriage this month too. I went on a cruise the week before last. It was a blast, I actually only thought about the miscarriage once (maybe twice) that entire week. When I got back into cell phone service though... I was reminded by a facebook application that would automatically post to my page that I was x weeks pregnant. Well the week of my cruise I was to be 16 weeks pregnant. It got me a bit down. The weekend I got back was also the due date of a friend of mine. Unfortunatley she suffered a miscarriage back in December. Her husband (who is amazing) had planned for her to have a day of fun. (massage, coffee, family and friends. All together now... awwweeeee!!) I picked her up for coffee. As we drove we were talking about our cycles. I asked her if she was pregnant (I had this little feeling to ask) and she said yes! (Come to find out she is prego with TWINS!)I was soooo (and still am) excited for her. She deserves it soooo much!! We sat and drank our coffees and I mentioned that sometimes I don't know what to write on my blog. That sometimes I feel like I am repeating myself and blah blah blah. She went on to say (in a roundabout way) that I should keep it up because I never know who may come across it. Who I may help. (come to find out at the end of this post it helped me too) It wasn't but a few days later that another friend of mine found out during an ultrasound that the baby she was carrying had gone to heaven. She asked me about this blog. And that was enough reassurance to me that I do need to keep this up. Suffering a miscarriage is something that only someone who has gone through it can relate too. I want nothing more than to help other women (and men) through this journey.
I need to be honest in my posts. Without being completely honest I don't think I will be able to reach out to some of the women who may see this post. This post is going to contain some honest truths about me from the past several weeks. I am not proud of them and I do not intend to hurt anyones feelings. What I am about to write about may connect with some of you while others may judge me or be disgusted. I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings nor steal the sunshine away from my friends whom I love so much.
Here it goes: I can be a jealous and envious person. I hate how I can let that feeling control my mood. These past 2 weeks I have felt like the character Jim Carrey plays in Me, Myself and Irene. I feel like I am a nutcase. Two different people. One minute I am so happy for everything and everyone in my life and the next minute I want what everyone else has. This past week I have struggled most with my relationship with Christ. Why isn't it stronger? Why do I not pray harder? I wish we went to church on a regular basis. Why do I not encourage my husband more? Am I a bad mother? Am I a bad wife? Why can't I be more organized!? I can't even carry a pregnancy. I feel as though in every single way that I am a failure. It's hard to admit that. Very hard. As I was sitting at my computer I googled (I LOVE google) what the bible says about jealousy and envy I came across THIS site and THIS site that list some bible verses. What stood out to me the most is
Satan's spirit of jealousy seeks to lead us away from the purity and simplicity of Christ. Satan desires to lead us away from a sincere pure devotion to Christ just as he lead Eve away from her pure devotion to the command of God in Eden. He leaves us thinking and feeling that we deserve more or that we have been deprived.
I don't really know how to write the ending to this blog. (It's funny because I truly believe right now that God was speaking through what he had me type.) In the past few minutes typing this I have a new persepective on a few things. You know that feeling you get when you know that you're being surrounded by God's love... I just had that feeling. I know I wanted to write this blog for the women out there who think they are horrible for feeling a bit jealous towards other women out there. If you have had a miscarriage I think you may know what I speak of. Wishing it was you pregnant, maybe not in the sense of instead of "her" but just that you wish you were too. (does that make sense)
My only solution for us when this feeling comes is to give it to God and if you can't find the strength to ask Him, than blog about it, ask a friend to pray for you, talk to your pastor. Satan will find any way to attack us. I have given him MANY weak areas to bust through. And he has taken full advantage of that. This past week I felt him trying to break down my marriage, my friendships, my family. It was a hard week. But with this post and some much needed play time today with my nieces and nephews. I feel renewed. I am fighting back. You can fight back to. Let's not let Satan tear us down. Let's look to God for our strength.
(I hope this wasn't to dark and dreary)(It's what's been bugging me lately)
Love ya all.
~Lacie
Comments
Know that you know that you know that the words you are writing are healing words... and you will be blessed because of it!