Coping and Living
We all cope with pain, anger and hurt in different ways.
Dealing with the death of a child is something that unless you have experienced first hand, it's hard to understand the pain the person in enduring. Several years ago I was in Orange County, California and noticed, 2 pink ribbons and 1 blue ribbon tied to trees. There were also signs posted in remembrance of 3 children. I asked my friend who lived locally what had happened and was told about a woman and her mother that had just spent the day taking her 3 children out for a fun day on the town. On their way home there was an accident.
Yesterday I watched Oprah (which strangely I never watch) The guests on the show, yesterday, was the mom and the dad of those three young children. They were stuck in freeway traffic on a blind corner and a semi truck loaded with 40,000 pounds and driving 55mph slammed into the back of her vehicle. The mom was knocked unconscious. When she woke up she was on the side of the freeway, her children were lodged in the car. After the children were removed from the vehicle they were all taken to 3 different hospitals. Her husband was called. He arrived at the hospital where is wife was. Then, they received a phone call that their middle daughter 4 years old was "expired" (the words the doctor used.) Then he received a call that his younger daughter 2 had "expired". Then he received a call that his son, 6 years old, was not going to make it and he needed to choose to disconnect lifesupport. All three kids, "expired".
I sat there, balling my eyes out. I've lost three children. Children I never met. And that hurt like hell. Here are two beautiful people who lost 3 children that they have been raising for years. How do you cope with that. How do you go on living. I sat in shock and awe at these two people. The courage they both have. The relationship that they have kept so strong.
The mom continued to talk. They had decided 3 months after the accident to try and have another baby. The kids used to always ask for another brother or sister. So they felt at peace to try again. Because of some medical issues the did IVF. She became pregnant. WITH TRIPLETS!! 2 girls and 1 boy. (chills?) They brought the three (now 2 years old) out and they are so cute. God is faithful.
How can I say that you may ask. You may say, God took those 3 babies from them, why did God allow them to raise the children and then take them away so horribly. So many questions we have. We'll never know why things happen and I suppose for some of us we will have that question answered someday. But I believe that God is faithful. I do. And for me I don't need an answer to why. He has proven it so many times and I tell myself constantly to continue to trust in him. I stuggle on days. I still get mad on days. But overall I am surviving and I am coping because of the hope and faith I have in Jesus.
I wrote about this story not to be a big Debbie downer, or to make you feel guilty for still having your kids (go hug them), or to convict you of not having faith. I wrote about this because it would have been easy for these two people to end their own life. To call it quits. But they didn't. They grew together, they held each other and carried each other emotionally thru this storm. And they still struggle with the pain.
If you're here because you have had a miscarriage. You know pain. You have pain that will forever be with you. How are you coping? I know for me I had my days or moments where I wanted to just be done. Get rid of all the baby clothes in the attic, go have my tubes tied, just be done with it all. 3 times is enough pain to endure. However, my hearts desire was and still is to be a mommy. Needless to say, the clothes are still in the attic, my tubes I hope are still in their naturally proper form and I'm not ready to be done with it all. If this is your first miscarriage. Please don't give up hope. Put every ounce of your anger, frustration, saddness and pain at the feet of Jesus. Even when you don't want to. Humble yourself and do it. And see him bless you. But remember the blessing may not come as becoming pregnant again. I have learned that also in the journey. I always think..
Okay Lord, here I am. At peace with me losing another baby. I am trusting you......
am I pregnant yet? nope. am I pregnant yet? nope. WTH
LORD! I am AT PEACE! Trusting you... again.
am I pregnant yet? nope. am I pregnant yet? nope
(do you see what I was doing)
Finally I had to open my eyes.
Okay Lord, here I am. At peace with losing another baby. I am trusing you.
am I pregnant yet? nope. It's okay Lord, in your timing. Please continue to bless me with patience and trust. Thank you for blessing me with an amazing husband, a family that cares, a home, some extra income this month, sunshine. Thank you for all the blessings around me that I fail to notice. Amen.
I continue to live my life, focusing on being a good wife and mom, I have started a photography business, go on some mini vacations, etc. I am still waiting to hopefully be pregnant again, but I am also living.
Stay strong my friends, Wait on the Lord. Wait on the Lord.
Dealing with the death of a child is something that unless you have experienced first hand, it's hard to understand the pain the person in enduring. Several years ago I was in Orange County, California and noticed, 2 pink ribbons and 1 blue ribbon tied to trees. There were also signs posted in remembrance of 3 children. I asked my friend who lived locally what had happened and was told about a woman and her mother that had just spent the day taking her 3 children out for a fun day on the town. On their way home there was an accident.
Yesterday I watched Oprah (which strangely I never watch) The guests on the show, yesterday, was the mom and the dad of those three young children. They were stuck in freeway traffic on a blind corner and a semi truck loaded with 40,000 pounds and driving 55mph slammed into the back of her vehicle. The mom was knocked unconscious. When she woke up she was on the side of the freeway, her children were lodged in the car. After the children were removed from the vehicle they were all taken to 3 different hospitals. Her husband was called. He arrived at the hospital where is wife was. Then, they received a phone call that their middle daughter 4 years old was "expired" (the words the doctor used.) Then he received a call that his younger daughter 2 had "expired". Then he received a call that his son, 6 years old, was not going to make it and he needed to choose to disconnect lifesupport. All three kids, "expired".
I sat there, balling my eyes out. I've lost three children. Children I never met. And that hurt like hell. Here are two beautiful people who lost 3 children that they have been raising for years. How do you cope with that. How do you go on living. I sat in shock and awe at these two people. The courage they both have. The relationship that they have kept so strong.
The mom continued to talk. They had decided 3 months after the accident to try and have another baby. The kids used to always ask for another brother or sister. So they felt at peace to try again. Because of some medical issues the did IVF. She became pregnant. WITH TRIPLETS!! 2 girls and 1 boy. (chills?) They brought the three (now 2 years old) out and they are so cute. God is faithful.
How can I say that you may ask. You may say, God took those 3 babies from them, why did God allow them to raise the children and then take them away so horribly. So many questions we have. We'll never know why things happen and I suppose for some of us we will have that question answered someday. But I believe that God is faithful. I do. And for me I don't need an answer to why. He has proven it so many times and I tell myself constantly to continue to trust in him. I stuggle on days. I still get mad on days. But overall I am surviving and I am coping because of the hope and faith I have in Jesus.
I wrote about this story not to be a big Debbie downer, or to make you feel guilty for still having your kids (go hug them), or to convict you of not having faith. I wrote about this because it would have been easy for these two people to end their own life. To call it quits. But they didn't. They grew together, they held each other and carried each other emotionally thru this storm. And they still struggle with the pain.
If you're here because you have had a miscarriage. You know pain. You have pain that will forever be with you. How are you coping? I know for me I had my days or moments where I wanted to just be done. Get rid of all the baby clothes in the attic, go have my tubes tied, just be done with it all. 3 times is enough pain to endure. However, my hearts desire was and still is to be a mommy. Needless to say, the clothes are still in the attic, my tubes I hope are still in their naturally proper form and I'm not ready to be done with it all. If this is your first miscarriage. Please don't give up hope. Put every ounce of your anger, frustration, saddness and pain at the feet of Jesus. Even when you don't want to. Humble yourself and do it. And see him bless you. But remember the blessing may not come as becoming pregnant again. I have learned that also in the journey. I always think..
Okay Lord, here I am. At peace with me losing another baby. I am trusting you......
am I pregnant yet? nope. am I pregnant yet? nope. WTH
LORD! I am AT PEACE! Trusting you... again.
am I pregnant yet? nope. am I pregnant yet? nope
(do you see what I was doing)
Finally I had to open my eyes.
Okay Lord, here I am. At peace with losing another baby. I am trusing you.
am I pregnant yet? nope. It's okay Lord, in your timing. Please continue to bless me with patience and trust. Thank you for blessing me with an amazing husband, a family that cares, a home, some extra income this month, sunshine. Thank you for all the blessings around me that I fail to notice. Amen.
I continue to live my life, focusing on being a good wife and mom, I have started a photography business, go on some mini vacations, etc. I am still waiting to hopefully be pregnant again, but I am also living.
Stay strong my friends, Wait on the Lord. Wait on the Lord.
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