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Friday, May 21, 2010

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away


I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine


When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands


When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yeah, one day You will set all things right


When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands


Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still



When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...


When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

It is May 21, 2010
1:03 AM
This song is speaking to me so strong today. I am going through another miscarriage. I went in for an ultrasound the morning of May 20th because of some bleeding. My ultrasound showed what I feared the most. No cardiac activity and the baby had stopped growing. I had a new doctor, who as of yesterday morning I had never met. Even in the worst of situations God sends us his strength. This doctor who everyone calls Dr. Dan is AMAZING. After a physical check and review of the ultrasound images, questions, prayer (yes Dr. Dan prayed with me!) and talking with my husband, I went in and had a D&C yesterday afternoon. Right now as I type this I feel strange. Not so much physically, more emotionally. I know it is normal. At one moment I am angry, hurt, sad and upset. Then the next minute I am at peace, I am happy and laughing. (part of that I give credit to my 18month old son Dillon) It's strange because I just feel a bit confused. I told my husband today that I can't be mad and angry inside. It's not healthy. There is nothing that I can change and I need to accept it, I won't forget it, but I have to accept it. Yes I am sad and I will always be sad. Everytime I think of the child that was in me until yesterday I will be sad and I will wonder what they would have looked like, what we would have named it. I will think of everything that any mom would want to know of their child. I am not trying to be strong, it has been a struggle these past 24 hours. I am continually just casting my cares and fear to Him and he is truly giving me strength, peace and hope.
I have always wanted to help others. I prayed tonight for the Lord to use me. To open doors for me and guide me to help and heal other women that has or is experiencing this pain. I felt an urge to get out of bed and start a blog. I don't know if anyone will follow this. But if 1 person reads this blog and feels for a moment just a little bit better, more peaceful or more hopeful. Than I would feel it a success. I am praying for me, and I am praying for the woman who is suffering right now with a miscarriage or a loss of a child. I know I am not the only one. 
Thank you for taking the time to read this, follow it, and share it. God Bless you today and forever.
Love in Christ,
Lacie.

I look forward to being pregnant again. I have HOPE! 

You can watch the video of JJ Hellar below. So beautiful and so fitting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-F6DGGF4Qs

1 comment:

Katie said...

Oh Lacie. What do I even say? Even though I know that your and Ron's precious baby is with Jesus, my heart is deeply aching for you. I truly felt certain that this would be a full term pregnancy for you. I cannot imagine how you are feeling, physically, emotionally, spiritually. You will continue to be on my heart and in our prayers. I hope I get to be watching in heaven one day when you get to meet your babies face-to-face; that will be so special! You are loved.